The truth cuts to the soul.
Every time I sing a song I cry for some sweet thing.
Every time I find again a strong remembering.
Every song I sing has magic hidden at it’s core,
and every time it feels like it has not been ung before.
The truth is in each song, if you just look at what is there,
for there has never been one truth, but truths are everywhere,
and every song I sing does have a truth that cuts me deep,
otherwise these songs are not the ones that I would keep.
If you look at what I sing, then you will surely know,
the truths that I hide deep inside, which I will seldom show.
I cannot help but show my life, my soul and heart to all,
because I cannot sing without the clear and crystal call
to tell the truth within each song to all that want to hear,
even if I do not trust or do not like or fear
what they will say or do to me with knowledge of my soul,
because by listening to me, they hear and know it all..
And some will think me small and weak and not worth anything,
and some will laugh at what i say and my remembering,
and some will use the truths I tell, and bend them far away,
from what I see inside and with my songs to others say.
And some will trample all my songs, and with that hurt my soul.
I’ve seen all this but still will not stop showing truths to all,
because if someone smiles or cries at what I had to say,
then maybe all the pain was not for nothing anyway.
So if you hate my singing, do not tell me, but just leave
I cannot help it that you cannot see what I believe.
So please be gentle with this heart, that’s open o, so wide,
because what would my songs be like, if all I do is hide?
Advice
the outside is not everything, for grace is in the mind,
even if not everyone will know just how to find
the soul of someone in their eyes, instead of in their clothes,
or in their bodies or their face or how their hair now grows.
A soul is seen in people’s deeds, what they to others give,
in how they care for others who also in this world live.
And who am I to tell you this, me who also knows
that people only judge by that what just the outside shows?
I fear I have exactly the same problems as you do,
something that both you and I will every time turn to..
How usefull is advice from one who can’t solve this as well?
And yet, I wish you’ll find some hope in what I have to tell.
I know if I don’t love myself, I shine out all that hate,
and people see that shining out, and recognise the state.
And so they yell ‘How ugly..’ and they think they judged me well,
but it’s my inside, not my outside that made them react so fell.
For if I walk the same street with those people on a day
that I feel good and strong then they have nothing left to say.
And who am I to comfort you, so many miles away?
I cannot even hold you tight, despite all that I say.
All I can do is play with words, and then send them to you,
and hope that is enough, for I know nothing else to do.
And yet, I do feel close to you, if not then in the flesh,
well, then it’s surely in the mind, and there we both are fresh.
I know loving yourself is hard, I’m still not good at it.
Remember then to love yourself as once your lover did.
Don’t force yourself too fast to try to do too much too hard,
but don’t give up on yourself either, and make a new start.
And if you want to talk I’ll try to be right there for you,
but to be good at that I’ll have to take care of me too.
And who am I to tell you this, because I make it sound
like it is very simple, like you never have been bound,
by other’s needs or by the past, or weakness of your will?
Well, I am one who knows this and who’s fighting daily still.
You have a lot of work to do, but on my soul I bet
you’ll get through this and make a change, and you’ll be happy yet.
Love of Life
A heart should be open to all things in life, to the little, simple joys
to children, to people, to beasts and to plants, do you also hear their voice?
Both the sun and the rain are important to us, both have their own special feel,
there’s nothing that we can’t embrace and enjoy, everything’s part of the Wheel.
The little bird singing on the branch of a tree, the starry darkness of night,
mowed grass, a warm bath, or a big apple bite, their small, taste, sound, feel or sight.
Or to really see someone else for some time, their hopes, dreams and also their hurts,
can make you feel love filling up your whole heart, untill it feels like it bursts.
It’s hard to remember this every day, there are so many hardships to bear,
but nothing else will make our lives worth to live, for what other option is there
but to really notice the world all around, to let it sing through your soul?
Then you will know what it is to feel joy, then you will surely be whole.
To all who have hurt me..
Sharp glittering knives I would cast in your flesh, and then turn them around,
with a gentle smile rub salt in your wounds after that.
Laugh cruelly down upon you as you struggle, with metal thread bound,
and vengeance will be much more sweet then all things I have had.
It makes a dark song in my soul with these words as its whispering tune:
I Hate you! I Hate you! that’s all I can think of and more.
And yet in this darkness my hate shines as silver as light of the moon,
as I feel it glitter and shimmer deep down to the core.
And why is She here, She the Moon, She the image of nightmares, Grey Dove,
And whence did that light come? That light that makes shadows so clear?
No light without shadow, no will without weakness, no pain without love,
and all who have hurt me, who still hurt me most, are so dear…
Meeting the Shadow
I am not sure just what to say, and yet I feel I should,
for if I don’t, well in that way, lies such despair that could
just paralyze all that I am, if I wait to tell you,
what’s hiding now behind the dam, which here in my heart grew.
The waters of my feelings churn, their wildness scares me so,
I feel I dare not ever learn to really get to know
the anger, grief, despair and rage that all in one big flow
might soon break through and set the stage for hate I’ve never known.
This shadowmonster in my mind I’m so afraid to face,
opposed to all in me that’s kind, has hated all its days.
It hates and rages all through me, screams every night and day,
I wonder why I couldn’t see what I have kept at bay.
And at the crossroads now I stand, for I cannot be sure
if I should make that beast my friend, and thus hope for a cure,
or keep it under lock and key, and never let it out,
I cannot in the future see what that would bring about.
But keeping it locked up so tight will not work any more,
and it is trying hard for flight, for a wide opened door,
so I fear I don’t have much choice but to come face to face,
and listen to it’s growling voice, and thus find newer ways.
Awakening
I love you all, yet everyone will keep
on stepping on my soul, and they can never see
the reason why at night I softly weep
the world is made to keep on hurting me
I hate you all. And I would gladly choke
and so make sure you could not breathe again,
Or scratch your skin, your eyeballs I would poke
so vision goes and life too if I can.
This is not me! I cannot be so cold!
to use them as they have been using me..
I thought I did no anger, darkness hold,
but now it’s running wildly, flowing free.
And one voice speaks “now listen to me fast
for you are not in reason gone with this,
Remember though the hurt you have will last
there are those who do like you as it is.
But then my anger laughs “yes it is me!
who’s you and though you cannot comprehend
I am the one who soon will set you free!
And I the one who lets you take a stand.
So I am not as saintly as I hoped
and now I feel this scary anger pull,
with which before I never could have coped,
now asks my energy to know myself in full.
Sliding in Sleep
Have you ever thought that you could feel the darkness,
as tangible as the pain they gave?
And if relief you sought from the screams of starkness
they thought that you did not behave?
I lie on the floor, my belly I hide away,
so they will not reach parts of me
that will hurt to the core, like my back they flay
so the blood runs in rivulets, going free.
But more then that, much deeper then my flesh
my soul is hurt and there the night still holds
I know I”m bad, and as they kick and bash,
the velvet of darkness around me folds.
I am Nothing
They tell me I am nothing
They tell me I am a snowflake
They tell me I am a fly with it’s wings pulled
They tell me I am dust falling to the ground.
Am I not as good as dead?
And they they seem to hate me,
And I can feel their fear.
Why would they fear nothing?
Why would they hate nothing?
Am I not as good as dead?
If you tell me of joy I will tell you of despair.
If you tell me of love I will tell you of cruelty.
If you tell me of warmth I will tell you of loneliness.
Am I not as good as dead?
I am the nothing that creates all things
I am the snowflake falling on a laughing child.
I am a fly with it’s wings pulled, weeped over by those less cruel.
I am dust falling to the ground sparkling in the sunlight.
I am as good as dead, and death is my brother, and walks at my side.
A Ray of Hope
So often my life is black or grey
I feel like a bird falling down in it’s flight
And would I be standing close to it
I wouldn’t be able to see any light
I will fly on wings of gossamer
I will dance in patterns as ancient as stone
I’ll sing until the roses bloom
I’ll laugh until I’m no longer alone
I really keep fighting for my life
But often these things just will not work out
And other times I will climb up again
And know: a new budding leaf will soon sprout
I’d like to be strong and loving and kind
I would like to fly on the wings of my dreams
But my fears and my worries are weighing me down
To fly isn’t easy as sometimes it seems
Spring Song
The grass is green and I am here
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
No time for tears, no time for fear
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The friendly sun is shining bright
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The world is flowed in golden light
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The sun is warm, the sky is blue
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
Today the whole world seems brandnew
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The trees they bloom in pink and white
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
It is an overwhelming sight
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The spring has come, the win-ter’s gone
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
We have been waiting for so long
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
The flowers show their faces small
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
And I, well I just love it all
Sing do-dah-day-dee-do
Song for a friend
Friend, I don’t know how I should start, seeing all the times we knew,
you have grown so close to my heart, there are not many like you.
You freed my imagination, taught me how it was to fly,
now I know no hesitation, now my dreams are soaring high.
O, you were the first to love me, in a shy and gentle way,
but my fears kept coming to me, and you saw I couldn’t stay.
O,my life was dark and cloudy, like an autumn’s rainy day,
you were always there to help me, guide my steps along the way.
You talked to me those endless hours, about the things that life does bring,
broke down my defensive towers, and at last I let you in.
You saw me bloom, you saw me grow, I got stronger every day,
though the path was hard and slow, I came back to joy that way.
Now I know that you still love me, although in a different way,
I just hope that you’ll be with me, Goddess grant, many a day.
Know the sunlight on your body, know the quiet of the night,
know the salt smell of the wide sea, know you’ll never have to hide.
Know the salty tast of sweat when passion burns up within you,
know the grean peace of the garden, that within your mind does bloom.
Know your anger, know your fears, know your joys, know love that’s true,
know your sorrows, know your tears, know I’ll stay a friend to you.